Concealed "Weapons"

From: [email protected]
Date sent: Tue, 17 Jul 2001 22:10:38 -0800 (PDT)
To: [email protected]
Subject: Concealed "Weapons"

Dear Mr. Douglas,

Your recent piece regarding people who will be carrying concealed handguns really made me think. I can't help but wonder how much better off we would all be if we would extend your proposal to other "threats".

You suggest that people wear their handguns in plain sight so that people would know where the potential danger is. I suggest that we follow the same logic regarding potential for rape.

Don't you think it would be a good idea to require all men with a functional penis to carry it in plain view? If this were a requirement, any woman would be able to recognize the potential rapist and cross the street to avoid him!

Potent men (potential rapists all) would be segregated from more civilized society.

We could use your idea about "semen-proof" glass barriers in restaurants. Your idea regarding integrating the penis into a fashion statement is also a good one.

Of course there are more problems than rape to deal with. Even peaceable men with no intention of rape would still be a threat. Disease, for example, or unwanted pregnancy would be a problem even if the man were of good character. I'm sure that you've heard that they can discharge while they are being cleaned, for example.

There are other potential problems with this notion as well. Cold weather could hamper the easy identification of a viable penis. I suggest that those potential rapists wear a "Viagra Blue" sash or armband to offset the reduced visibility of the offending weapon due to natural autonomic responses.

I am sure that sensitive guys like you see these suggestions as purely academic, but to the rest of us, the penis factor in society demands that we who are so armed let society know where the potential for sexual activity exists.

I'm sure we'll hear the same old response from the NPA. They'll say that "a penis doesn't rape people, people rape people." But we know better!

Anyway, I'm sure that you see the natural conclusions to your sensitive, politically correct and enlightened approach to guns would apply to the penis as well!

Yours Truly,

R. Miller

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