- Did you know that automobiles are used in 100% of the drive-by shootings in
America, according to the FBI?
- Did you know that automobile accidents and homicides claim over 28,000
lives per year? In two years this casualty total exceeds that of the ENTIRE
Vietnam War.
- Did you know that there is NO state-mandated waiting period to purchase an
automobile? And that you may purchase AS MANY automobiles as you wish in any
month?
- Did you know that importation of 'assault' sports-cars, IS STILL LEGAL IN
THIS COUNTRY? These assault-cars usually have engine capacity in excess of 6
cylinders and are capable of speeds of 120 MPH (or more) and serve no useful
driving purpose.
- Did you know that there are NO restrictions on owning FULLY AUTOMATIC
TRANSMISSIONS...?! These transmissions are the preferred gear-shifting method of
criminals and gangsters everywhere!
- Did you know that there is NO criminal background check before purchasing a
car? That you can go into any sleazy car dealers and purchase a snub-nose
'Saturday Night Special' Subcompact Economy car on nothing more than a
signature, if you have the money?
THE BLOODSHED MUST STOP! WE MUST *TAKE* *BACK* OUR STREETS! No more, will we
sit idly by as our young people crash into one another and kill one another with
depraved indifference to human life. Not one more innocent bystander shall be
mowed-down by an out-of-control driver who 'snaps'!
Now, there is a group dedicated to controlling and eventually banning the
automobile:
AUTOMOBILE CONTROL INC.
Our goals are straightforward:
- A national 7-day waiting period before a car may be delivered, after
purchase
- Total bans on all 'assault' sport cars.
- Total bans on all snubnose 'Saturday Night Special' Subcompact cars.
- Criminal background checks on all car buyers to make sure there are no car
infractions in their past
- Eventually, a total ban on all automobiles
Let me introduce our spokesperson, Sarah Brainless.
Sarah: "You may know my husband, Jim Brainless. During the attempted
assassination of The President, Jim was hit in head by an out-of-control
car...and..(sniff)...well, he's (sniff) never been the same since... (sniff,
sniff, HONNNKK). So I dedicated the rest of my life to banning this evil
object, the automobile. I know that there are a bunch of groups who will fight
back against my efforts, such as the AAA. These whackos would like to see a
car in every garage! ...and those Merchants of Death themselves, the Big Three
carmakers... "As you know, the AAA claims that there is a constitutional
right to travel. Well, I dispute that - If you read the whole amendment like
WE do, it is clear that the founding fathers only intended that ORGANIZED
