Letter To Bill

By Minority Mike

Dear President Lyin’-Sack,

I’m writin’ to let you know I give up. I’d like to fight you to my dyin’
breath but I’ve got my ol’ woman an’ three kids to think about an’ they want
me to surrender an’ do things your way for the good of the family. I don’t
agree with ‘em, but they mean too much to me to have you sendin’ the ATF
around to get my mind right, so I give up. Here’s some things I’ve done and
will do so you won’t have to bother with bombin’ an’ shootin’ me til I agree
with ya.

I’ve decided to be black like you. From now on my name will be MinoXrity
MiXke-X. The X is silent and thus oppressed. Please get the check in the
mail ASAP.

I’ll get rid of all my legally bought guns this Friday night down at the
local crack neighborhood so the children will be safe. Kindly inform all the
criminals you are so intimately associated with that I am now unarmed an’
defenseless, just the way they want me to be.

I swear to never voice another original thought, nor will I ever disagree
with you or Hillary.

Margaret an’ I have got the kids out scroungin’ aluminum cans for you to
make into bombs to drop on whoever will be the next smokescreen for your
next illegal, but for the good of America, act.

Tell Al I’ve removed our environment threatenin’ toilet an’ were all
squattin’ over the hole in the floor like good Americans. Also, please let
him know we’ve quit drivin’ an’ my pick-up is now a PETA approved sanctuary
for spotted suck-toads.

Tell the Animal Liberation Front that I’ve liberated all my stock, which
are now runnin’ loose on the highway, free to be run over by the next big
rig driver with enough money to buy a tank of fuel.

Be sure an’ let Al Sharpton know I stashed a few chickens for him to cut up
at his next service.

Tell Janet I won’t be writin’ on the Internet anymore since we can’t pay
the electric bill ‘cause I gave my job to another minority member who I’ve
been suppressin’ in a mean-spirited manner.

Tell the NEA they’ve done a fine job of makin’ my kids too dumb to read a
stop sign.

Tell the other NEA my little Lorrie is sendin’ them all her crayons to give
to other, more worthy aspirin’ artists.

Tell Hillary I’ve had my doo-dads removed so I can be a man, just like you.
Please let her know we’re sendin’ her all the gold fillin’s out of our teeth
so she can be the next dictator of New York.

Be assured we’ve stopped readin’ -- which the kids can’t do anyway -- an’
are now spendin’ most of our time down at The Last Ditch Attempt Saloon
(Guns Confiscated, Bait For Dinner) watchin’ the “must see” TV. We’ll be
havin’ mush for brains quicker than you can say “indoctrination.”

Please call the U.N. an’ let ‘em know we’ve strung barbed wire all over the
yard so they can herd us into it for easy target practice while they’re
keepin’ the peace.

Call your pals, the communist Chinese, an’ let ‘em know I’m available for
bribin’. They may be interested in my recipe for thermonuclear sour mash.

We’ve invested in havin’ sequential numbers tattooed on all our arms in the
hope we can stay together when you have us all rounded up an’ imprisoned for
our own good.

We’ve burned our family Bible since we know it interferes with your version
of God’s plan.

Margaret gave her blender an’ her vacuum cleaner to the local abortion
clinic for the children.

We’ve applied for Welfare so you can keep us in our place.

We now look to Hollywood for all of our opinions on what is right and
proper. That Leonardo DiCaprio is a WEALTH of information, by the way.

The whole family is collectin’ stones to throw at Bill Gates an’ anyone
else who dares to be successful or improve the quality of the lives of
Americans.

My sons are joinin’ the Army so you can demoralize ‘em before you send ‘em
to be slaughtered or abandoned in the third-world suckhole of your choosin’.

Lorrie is packed an’ waitin’ to get on the back of the next bus to
Hillary’s village.

My mother an’ my in-laws have agreed to commit suicide, so don’t worry any
more about their health care or Social Security or anything.

Margaret an’ I are sittin’ on the front porch waitin’ for you to come haul
us off to your gulag.

Best Wishes for a carefree Totalitarian State

MinoXrity MiXke

PS.
A belated April Fools Day to ya!

Minority Mike aka Michael J. Bates can be reached at
[email protected] His wife, Margaret, helps him with the big words
in the letters you write him.