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Smith
& Wesson
Memo
RE:
STATUS REPORT FROM THE COLONIES
FR: Ed Shultz, CEO, Smith & Wesson
TO: Gregory Hutchings, Chairman, Tomkins, PLC;
London, England
CC:
{The Winning Team}: {Charlton Heston, Sarah Brady,
Orrin Hatch, Bill Clinton, Wayne LaPierre, Janet Reno, James Jay Baker,
Dianne Feinstein, Kayne Robinson, Charles Schumer, Sandy Froman, Al Gore,
Marion Hammer, Tony Blair}
CC: {Tomkins Board}:
{I.A. Duncan, R.N. Marchant, A.J. Reading, D.J. Snowdon, R.M. Holland, A.E.
Wambold, C.C. Gates}; Other IPs.
Product acceptance
of the new Citizen Special smart gun is higher than imagined.
NRA had to oppose
the earlier models because their natives were on the warpath again. But
they're easy to pacify with a few trinkets and magic tricks from a celeb
like Heston, and they forget pretty quick. The new model is so reliable
and simple, it's hard to resist, and anyway most NRA members would jump
off a cliff if "He" told them to. Members are calling NRA at
800-672-3888 and raving about the concept (and in their postage paid
envelopes too). One gun group even worked up an ad for us (SEE
ATTACHED).
It takes a lot to
get the attention of big time players like Wayne with $20,000-a-month
salaries, $15,000-a-month "expense accounts", perks, benefits,
retirement, and so forth.
We took a cue from
Bill Ruger's rehab from traitor to hero� Or should I say sellout to
buyout? Our million-dollar "donation" to the National Firearms
Museum, like Bill's, went a long way. (And thanks to the Winning Team,
pretty soon that's where NRA members will have to go to see the old
"dumb guns"). Agreeing to buy a Heston Silver Bullet for each
gun didn't hurt either. Honor is cheap these days, but it isn't free yet.
By the way, expect some off-book transfers, and we have a new PR
firm.
The way things are
going it won't be long before we make the "Colony" thing
official again. I can't wait for people to start calling me "Sir
Ed" rather than "Mr. Ed". God Save The Queen!
Your Loyal Subject,
Ed Shultz
Smith
& Wesson
"Don't
pull the trigger unless you see the Silver Bullet"
�
2000 Smartacus. May be
republished only in entirety for non-commercial use.
[email protected].
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